My Journal Experience

It's been a while since I last wrote here, I gotta keep this thing updated...

So! At the beginning of the semester, our English professor informed us of a two or three month project: throughout the semester, we were going to keep a journal and write in it approximately five days a week. The journal had a little peculiarity, however; in this journal, we were to follow five "anti-rules" based on Natalie Golding's "Writing Down The Bones," which basically said to write whatever came into our mind non-stop for about 10 minutes, completely uncensored and without much regard for grammar or spelling. One of the anti-rules, and probably the one the professor emphasized most on, was to "go for the jugular," which basically meant to go for precisely that which we didn't want to write, that which we didn't want anyone else to see, to go for those dark feelings inside ourselves that we have trouble admitting exist. It can be hard to explain, but I think you know what I mean.

When we were told of the project, I was obviously not excited at all. Although I do enjoy writing every now and then, keeping a journal updated 5 out of 7 days sounded very tedious and time-consuming, and it was something I knew I'd forget very frequently. Effectively, I hated it during the first week or two; I forgot to write in it at least 6 days a week, and the few times I did write, it felt like I was only giving a half-hearted, "let's-get-this-out-of-the-way" effort. It was also very hard for me to ignore my spelling mistakes, so I frequently went back to correct something or stopped to look up how exactly to write a word (the word "embarrassing" has always confused me, for some reason). However, I slowly began to enjoy it a little more each day. I also began to write all 7 days of the week, in order to make up for the days I'd forgotten. Eventually, I actually looked forward to the late hours at night in which I'd write! It was a place to write down the thoughts I'd had during the day, my thoughts about what had happened and how I had felt about it. Since the rule was to ignore those barriers we build up about what's right and what's wrong, about what is and isn't acceptable, I could expose my true thoughts about certain topics no matter how wrong or controversial they seemed, even if only I was ever going to read them. This openness with myself about how I felt helped me make a significant decision some weeks back to stop going after something that had no future, and I've felt much happier with my life since then.

The project is now over, and my journal had a grand total of 43 entries. Even though I haven't written in the journal ever since I wrote the last entry, I'd really like to keep one in the future. In the summer, when I don't have any more assignments from classes and stuff, I plan to begin a new one, with five minute entries so it doesn't take up too much time. It's been a surprisingly good experience, and I look forward to doing it again. Oh, and I probably won't decorate this one.